Always On the Brink of the End of My Life…by Robert M. Katzman

Filed under: Depression and Hope,Life & Death,Marriage and Family,My Own Personal Hell,Philosophy,Poetry & Prose,Rage! — Bob at 9:59 am on Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving Day

November 2010 by Robert M. Katzman

Bathed
In
Radiation
At
Year One

I
Have
Been
Endlessly
Waiting

Waiting
For
Death

The cancer
Came to me
At
Eighteen

Changing
Everything

Work
Risk
Love
Plans

All
In the
Shadow
Of:

What Next?
And
When?

All
My
Grandparents
Died

One after another

And
I was
Relieved
They
Didn’t live to
See
Their Grandchild
Die

And
I waited

Waited
For
Death

I metÂ a girl

We fell in love

I married her

Will
We
Grow
old
Together?

My
Father
Died

I was
Relieved
I
Survived
Him

But
Also
Surprised

My
Mother
Died

I was
Relieved
I
Survived
Her

But
Also
Surprised

My
Sister
Died

Jesus Christ!!

Where is everybody?

I
Am
Still
Waiting

Endlessly
Waiting
For
Death

My
Children
Were
Born

Would
I
Live
To
Know them?

And they grew up

While
I
Waited

Endlessly
Waiting
For
Death

Would
I
Ever meet
my
Grandchildren?

How
Ridiculous
A
Thought!

But
They
Keep
Coming

One after another

But
I wonder
As
I have
Always
Wondered

Would
I
Live
To
Know them?

While
I
Wait

Endlessly
Waiting
For
Death

For me
Each
New
Day
Is
Never
Assumed
To
Be
Coming

I
Cannot
Plan

While
I
Am
Waiting

Endlessly
Waiting
For
Death

Time
S-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s
Out
Before
Me
On
A
Bridge
Of
Gauze

Sure
Of
Nothing

Yet
I
Endure

When
Death
Comes
To
Me

I
Will
Expect
It

And
It
Will
Be

Late!

Publishing News!

Bob Katzman’s two new true Chicago books are now for sale, from him!
Vol. One: A Savage Heart and Vol. Two: Fighting Words

Gritty, violent, friendship, classic American entrepreneurship love, death, heartbreak and the real dirt about surviving in a completely corrupt major city under the Chicago Machine.Â More history and about one manâ€™s life than a person may imagine.

Please visit my new website: https://www.dontgoquietlypress.com
If a person doesn’t want to use PayPaI, I also have a PO Box & I ship anywhere in America.

Send me a money order with your return and contact info.
I will get your books to you within ten days.
Here’s complete information on how to buy my books:

Vol 1: A Savage Heart and Vol. 2: Fighting Words
My books weigh almost 2 pounds each, with about 525 pages each and there are a total together of 79 stories and story/poems.

Robert M. Katzman
Donâ€™t Go Quietly Press
PO Box 44287
Racine, Wis. 53404-9998 (262) 752-3333, 8AM-7PM

Books cost $29.95 each, plus shipping

For: (1)$3.95; (2)$5.95; (3)$7.95; (4)$8.95 (5)$9.95;(6) $10.95

(7) $11.95; (8) $12.95; (9)$13.95 (10)$15.95 (15)$19.95

I am also for hire if anyone wants me to read my work and answer questions in the Chicago/Milwaukee area. Schools should call me for quantity discounts for 30 or more books. Also: businesses, bookstores, private organizations or churches and so on.

My Fighting Words Publishing Co. four original books, published between 2004 and 2007 are now out-of-print. I still have some left and will periodically offer them for sale on my new website.

Comments (5)

5 Comments »

18335

Comment by Don Larson

November 25, 2010 @ 10:58 am

Death will come soon enough for all of us. In the meantime, live as best you can. 🙂

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, Bob!

Don

18336

Comment by Bob

November 25, 2010 @ 11:35 am

Hey, Don! Pretty fast, man. You’re the first to respond, as usual, except I no longer notify people when I post anything. I’m somewhat better than when I first wrote what you read (ok,a big lie), on Saturday,November 6th. I was able to adjust my depression medicine, and that seems to be working.

So, if you know any people filled with dispair who just might want to read a ‘farewell’ note with an edge to it, tell ’em to come check out mine.

Have a great Turkey Day, Don, and thanks for writing to me. Very nice.
Bob

18337

Comment by Rick

November 25, 2010 @ 12:58 pm

Death is the one thing you can postpone and postpone, but it is never too late to die. It is never a missed opportunity. No need to hurry.

18338

Comment by Bob

November 26, 2010 @ 11:40 am

Rick, I don’t think my depression is rational. Or perhaps it’s hyper-rational, telling the person afflicted with it that not only are things bad now, but…Just Wait! They’re gonna get much, much worse, so forget about any break from the misery. Oh, and don’t expect any Divine Intervention because if there is a Supreme Being, well, he’s certainly not gonna bother with the likes of you. Or in this case…me.
I don’t think depressed people really expect to be happy. I believe they’re seeking relief from their paralyzing pain. A sense of irrelevance can be a personal Mt. Everest that can never be overcome.

My general antagonism with life and it’s unforgiving nature is probably my best defence. I prefer to tell Fate to go fuck itself. I have an attitude and intend to keep it, Rick.

18367

Comment by Adrienne Epstein

March 3, 2011 @ 8:02 am

Bob,

I don’t know if you’ll get this. I just learned of your sister’s passing and I am so sorry I did not know when it occurred. I have fond memories of you and your entire family … we go back so far. I hope you are doing well and are happier than you sound in some of your writings. I always remember your creativity and sensitivity etc. I will try and find you, contact you, if possible. My best, Adrienne Epstein

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