Different Slants

Today, Thursday, April 30th 2009, is my 59th birthday.

Glad I made it.  That wasn’t always a real good bet, after 30 operations.

In the last two weeks I had a stubborn bronchial infection that seemed to resist antibiotics and even an inhaler.  This came right after I attempted to lift a box I should have known not to lift and threw out my back. So, for about half of this April, except for standing, sitting, breathing, sleeping and feeling endlessly tired and short of breath, I was just fine.  Really.

Anybody who survives cancer, as I have since 1968, has no damn reason to bitch about getting older, aches, pains, lesser illnesses, greying or losing hair, or arthritis.  Dead people have none of those (as far as I know) and I don’t know anyone in a big hurry to die to avoid the complaints of old age.

The whole point is to get old. Then you win. For me, every extra year is a victory. Any person who beats a heart attack, or similar catastrophe where death was expected, will understand what I mean. In the fight to keep going, I’m in round 42.

So there, Death!!!

Yes, most of us want to be loved.  We want to be able to move around independently, to be able to see well enough to read and enjoy another season of spring flowers.  We want to still be able to hear a symphony, or rock n’ roll or a quiet conversation, without saying: “WHAT??” every other sentence.  We want to be able to enjoy good food.

In this depressing recession, with a Swine Flu epidemic slowly closing in on the planet while many of us wait to hear the latest news about how many new cases are confirmed, how many died and how many schools are being closed to protect our young, I was musing this morning as I drove to work in my old grey car on a grey, grey day with unceasing rain to dampen my mood.

Happy birthday to me, I thought.  What is really important to me?  I decided: Friendship.

The British broadcaster on BBC radio said, cutely, that good friends will help you move, but a REALLY good friend would help you move–a body.

This is probably another good reason why they lost their Empire.

So, here’s my thoughts about that same topic, after 21,535 days to think it over, so far.

Friends show up. Thats the’ bottom line. You’re in some sort of trouble?  They come when called.  Maybe you’re in the right.  Maybe in the wrong. Nevertheless, you can deal with that better, perhaps later, with a friend beside you.

Friends listen.  When your world is falling apart, they are a number to call who won’t charge you by the hour. They don’t choose your moment of weakness to enunciate all your faults.  You already know all your faults.  They are there to say you are still valuable, and worth caring about.

Friends are supposed to catch you when you fall, and you’re supposed to return the favor when the situation is reversed.  A one-way relationship where one side constantly takes, but can’t figure out how to give, is not a friendship.  It’s a burden. Friends share the ups and downs of life.  I read once, that having a friend to talk to halves your sorrow and doubles your joy.  Exactly.  Perfect.

Friends don’t throw their prosperity in the faces of their less fortunate companions. There must be something else to talk about.  A rich person can lose everything, as the current times tell us. But you cant lose’ friendship if it was based on something to begin with, besides social status and full wallets. An evening out together may not always be paid for 50/50, but maybe the time spent together is worth more than cash only, to the more successful of the pair.

In a mean, back-stabbing world, it’s good to have someone who will tell you the truth, when you ask for it, when you need it, and still be loving about it. When a person gets along in years, has a gut, maybe losing some hair too, a friend can usually be depended on to lie skillfully, and tell you how great you look when you meet up. God forgives lies like those.

A friend is someone you can call for bail in the middle of the night (I’ve been there) or the person who really shows up to bail you out without assuming your guilt and making you feel even worse (been there, too).

Friends are tolerant.  Few of us are perfect.

I believe Benjamin Franklin said, “Love is blind and friends try not to notice.”  Absolutely.

I have friends like all of the above.  Therefore, I am blessed.  Some people never get it.  I do.

If you are reading this essay and have someone who would really appreciate a call from you, then do it. You’ll make their day, make them smile, and maybe make them forget things they can’t change. That’s what friends do.  They make the time to do things that they dont hav’e to do, just to make another person feel better.

If you do things like that, when you get up in the morning and look in the mirror, you just may discover that you like that person you see looking back at you a little more, as you should.

If this reflective essay makes you stop and think a bit, please pass it on, if you think it will do some good for someone else.  I’d like that.