Different Slants

Seeing the World from a New Angle

On Not Finding a Girl in the Wilds of Wisconsin, (or) The Widower in the Woods…by Robert M. Katzman

Filed under: Bewilderment,Depression and Hope,Humor,Jewish Themes,Life & Death,Love and Romance,Wisconsin stories — Bob at 9:02 pm on Wednesday, November 28, 2018

On Not Finding a Girl in the Wilds of Wisconsin

By Robert m. Katzman © July 2018

 

I wrote this on Facebook months ago and forgot about it. All 600 words of it.

Seems funnier now than when I first wrote it.  Even tho’ nothing’s changed, you might read it and smile:

So here’s my ironic and quixotic quest to find a new love using the internet since the death of my wife in May 2017.
I tried Plenty of Fish for anyone of any background, and JDate and SuperTova for Jewish girls only. I wrote very nice, friendly, romantic and honest descriptions of myself and put up current photographs.
I received a number of responses and met with two women. One was from a prosperous North Shore town and one was from Germany.

I decided that my commuting to Germany was more than I was willing to invest in a relationship, and the lovely woman whom I met from the other place was visibly horrified when she saw that my car, a nice 2001 bronze Camry, was older than all her grandchildren put together. I thought she might become ill right there in the parking lot.

After many, many typed words, what I have learned about trying to live where I live, plus get a woman to live with me here also, is impossible.
Contrary to the laws of economics in some cases.

Blasphemous in other cases.

Oy.

The women from Chicago up north to Libertyville either never heard of Racine, Wisconsin; heard of it but didn’t take it seriously as a place anyone would live, or thought it was a gas station between Kenosha and Milwaukee. A Tumbleweed Town.

The very idea that I would raise the alien concept that some normal Jewish girl would want to live in this truly beautiful state was laughably incomprehensible to all of them. It didn’t help when I mentioned that Jews are 1/2 of 1% of the state’s population. Cows and horses not included.

The women from Wisconsin? Well, less an economic issue, or a “Where the hell is Racine?” issue. It was this little problem of a number of them wanting to know–even before our first date–whether or not I accepted Jesus Christ into my life as my lord and savior?

I asked a couple of the women after hearing that requirement if either had ever met a Jewish person. Neither ever had. I never even attempted to bring up Passover or Channukah. Or Golems.

I told JDate  not to renew my subscription.

Got enough problems overhauling the Camry’s suspension system so my bronze baby continues to ride like butter.

My assumption was that late 50’s or early 60’s woman really, actually, honestly were looking for a nice guy to have in their lives. Not Fort Knox. Not someone from the Vatican. But it seems women were either looking for a wealthy Jewish guy or a wealthy Jewish guy who rides Harleys, bowls and celebrates Christmas. Ho-Ho-Ho?

No.

Even though there’s a lot more living women my age, 68, than there are men, the larger group of women are in no hurry and are evidently picky. This confounds me.

Personally, and respectfully, I think Christ, who is after all, originally one of my Tribes’s guy, would suggest to either the Jewish or the Christian women to have a more generous spirit, not to judge a guy by his wealth, to realize that not all a man’s gifts are tangible, but perhaps ethereal and to open their hearts a little bit wider before all the available men are dead.

I’m not Jesus but I agree with what I’m assuming he’d say.
Respectfully, The Widower in the Woods, still alone in Racine.

 

Publishing News! 

(Currently seeking representation as a speaker/poet for hire)

Bob Katzman’s two new true Chicago books are now for sale, from him!
Vol. One: A Savage Heart  and Vol. Two: Fighting Words

Gritty, violent, friendship, classic American entrepreneurship love, death, heartbreak and the real dirt about surviving in a completely corrupt major city under the Chicago Machine. More history and about one man’s life than a person may imagine.

Please visit my new website: http://www.dontgoquietlypress.com
If a person doesn’t want to use PayPaI, I also have a PO Box & I ship anywhere in America.

Send me a money order with your return and contact info.
I will get your books to you within ten days.
Here’s complete information on how to buy my books:

Vol 1: A Savage Heart and Vol. 2: Fighting Words
My books weigh almost 2 pounds each, with about 525 pages each and there are a total together of 79 stories and story/poems.

Robert M. Katzman
Don’t Go Quietly Press
PO Box 44287
Racine, Wis. 53404-9998

email: robertmkatzman@gmail.com

Books cost $29.95 each, plus shipping

For: (1)$3.95; (2)$5.95; (3)$7.95; (4)$8.95 (5)$9.95;(6) $10.95

(7) $11.95; (8) $12.95; (9)$13.95 (10)$15.95 (15)$19.95

I am also for hire if anyone wants me to read my work and answer questions in the Chicago/Milwaukee area. Schools can call me for quantity discounts for 30 or more books. Also: businesses, bookstores, private organizations or churches and so on.

My Fighting Words Publishing Co. four original books, published between 2004 and 2007 are now out-of-print. I still have some left and will periodically offer them for sale on my new website.

 

3 Comments »

Comment by Gail D Garza

November 28, 2018 @ 10:15 pm

They did you a favor, Bob.

And by the way, Jesus would be on YOUR side.

Comment by Nancy Davis

November 29, 2018 @ 6:06 am

I really enjoy your writing. Best of luck with women. I noticed you are looking for a “younger” woman…at least younger than you. I suggest uping your target age to at least age 70..we get wiser by then and you may find your soul mate. Cheering you on!

Comment by Scott Dechter

November 29, 2018 @ 12:38 pm

Hey Bob- I liked the story and found it interesting. Your views seem to me to be right on target, AT our age I think it’s about possessions and cash no matter what age the women are. For us I think conversion is not really thinkable.Hope to see you one of these days and wishing you good luck on the hunt for that elusive “girl”
Your friend
Scott

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