Pleading with Fate in Jerusalem (part 12)…by Robert M. Katzman
Pleading with Fate in Jerusalem
by Robert M Katzman © December 4, 2017
I tilted my head to the Western Wall
Trying to summon the words
Conjuring up Fate to listen to me
Surrendering to that which can’t be seen
But nevertheless
Heard
Why do you keep doing this?
You keep taking so many away
No one left to call and say:
Do you remember this perilous time?
When we traveled here?
When we stood our ground there?
Sharing our consequences, together?
Then holding hands across the miles
And so much cutting
The cutting never ends
Nearly forty surgeries
I’m more scar than flesh
I don’t understand
There must be reason to it
No reason will lead to madness
I pressed my uncertain face against
Ancient sand-colored stone blocks
Cool against my skin
Hard against my skin
Seeking to make a connection
Praying that the Western Wall
Of the Roman-destroyed Temple
Was not a barrier
But a portal
Thousands were assembled
Randomly around me
Some entirely in black
Tall black hats and white prayer shawls
Long curls running down their cheeks
Believing they were closer to God than I am
Except I think arrogance repels our Deity
I believe He sees beneath the trappings
Naked bodies all the same
At Auschwitz
The loud sound of prayers dimmed
I felt an eerie presence
There and not there
Maybe entirely within me
Appearing before my Mind’s Eye
Preparing to respond
Nothingness had a shape
A voice without sound
Spoke to me
Warm and distant
Cold with power
Something un-Earthly pausing
Something of unfathomable dimensions
Cosmic and final
I imagined a shroud
A hooded face
Lost in shadow
Floating and immovable
Focusing on my pain
Granting me reason
Reconsidering the original decision
A lifetime of silence
The voice said:
Long, long ago
Many were just like you
Born then bathed in radiation
Fated to die so young
Among all the millions who die each day
A decision was considered
Compensation for consequences
You were innocent
You were spared
But only just so
You were not more deserving
You were chosen at random
The poisoned others
Were worth no less than you
The Universe is demanding
Fate, myself, was assigned to you
Your surgeries would continue
But you would not die
Decade by decade
Through intense and repeating pain
You would acquire understanding
You would acquire compassion
You would realize responsibility
You would transmit hope
And our gift to you was Time
I listened to the silent sound
No longer aware of the Wall
Rushing to comprehend
Frightened I couldn’t
Reaching to grab the words
Close to my chest
Trying to hold onto air
Trying to understand
But, I pleaded with Fate:
You took so many
From me:
My grandparents
My aunts
My uncles
My parents
My cousins
My sister
My wife
You have left me alone without memory
The loneliness is drowning me
Why did they all have to die?
Then Fate unexpectedly replied
I never assumed
I was to be answered
Me, a mere speck in time
Not deserving
Something too intangible
To hold onto
And Fate replied:
You think Death is a punishment?
You think Life is a reward?
Cannot Death be a release?
Cannot Death be kindness?
Would you surrender your life
Now knowing what few ever know?
That you can give comfort to many
That no matter how awful
Another’s life may be
Yours will be always be worse
And they will see they’ve been spared
What might have come
To them
Having and losing
Were part of your greater plan
You would learn along the way
You could give comfort in person
Merely by showing up by a bedside
You will give comfort for centuries
Learning what you are
Now understanding
And writing it down
Because you are recording
Meaning
Your responsibility is to offer
Uncomplicated hope
And that is why you have been spared
For now
I stopped still in my wondering
I stared at Fate
Who was not unkind
But whom I felt was moving on
There was warmth
There was purpose
There was an embrace
And my fear dissolved
Fate then said
Voice trailing behind him
Moving away somewhere from me
You have your children
You have your grandchildren
Perhaps another wife
Not for me to say
(But I could feel a smile in that)
You can leave your words for them
You still have many words to write
Before you join the others
One day, they too will understand
Maybe even why you were chosen
And that it wasn’t
Random indifference
But a way of seeking forgiveness
From the One who need not seek to forgive
From so many who died so young
Don’t be in a hurry yourself
The next place is forever
When it is decided
That Time will say to Death
For Fate to come back
For you
And then I understood
Like a sunrise in my mind
Shedding my long familiar fear
That
Fate
Was
Time
Was
Death
And that either
Together or separate
None of them
Was cruel
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Contact: robertmkatzman@gmail.com
So leave a comment below, already. It won’t kill you.
Bob
Driving in the Dark: Lost in Israel (part 1) https://www.differentslants.com/?p=3736
Bob in Israel: Crusader Castle and The tunisian Synagogue (part 2) https://www.differentslants.com/?p=3748
Marsha Michael, Who Solved My Problems in Israel (part 4) https://www.differentslants.com/?p=3771
Tel Aviv, Israeli radio and Unexpected Art (part 5) https://www.differentslants.com/?p=3796
Vad Yashem: Killing Millions of Children (part 6) https://www.differentslants.com/?p=3811
Chicago man Watches Death of Samurais in Israel (part 7)https//www.differentslants.com/?p=3846
Traveling Alone, Traveling Together (part 8) https//www.differentslants.co/?p=3865
An American Jew’s Bold New Plan for a Sane, Peaceful and Prosperous State of Palestine (part 9) https//www.differentslants.co/?p=3887
David’s Star in Israel (part 10) https//www.differentslants.co/?p=3907
Sleeping With the Bedouins (part 11-a)
Sleeping With the Bedouins… (part 11-a) by Robert M. Katzman
Pleading with Fate in Jerusalem (part 12) https://www.differentslants.com/?p=3980
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Publishing News!
Bob Katzman’s two new true Chicago books are now for sale, from him!
Vol. One: A Savage Heart and Vol. Two: Fighting Words
Gritty, violent, friendship, classic American entrepreneurship love, death, heartbreak and the real dirt about surviving in a completely corrupt major city under the Chicago Machine. More history and about one man’s life than a person may imagine.
Please visit my new website: https://www.dontgoquietlypress.com
If a person doesn’t want to use PayPaI, I also have a PO Box & I ship anywhere in America.
Send me a money order with your return and contact info.
I will get your books to you within ten days.
Here’s complete information on how to buy my books:
Vol 1: A Savage Heart and Vol. 2: Fighting Words
My books weigh almost 2 pounds each, with about 525 pages each and there are a total together of 79 stories and story/poems.
Robert M. Katzman
Don’t Go Quietly Press
PO Box 44287
Racine, Wis. 53404-9998 (262)752-3333, 8AM–7PM
Books cost $29.95 each, plus shipping
For: (1)$3.95; (2)$5.95; (3)$7.95; (4)$8.95 (5)$9.95;(6) $10.95
(7) $11.95; (8) $12.95; (9)$13.95 (10)$15.95 (15)$19.95
I am also for hire if anyone wants me to read my work and answer questions in the Chicago/Milwaukee area. Schools should call me for quantity discounts for 30 or more books. Also: businesses, bookstores, private organizations or churches and so on.
My Fighting Words Publishing Co. four original books, published between 2004 and 2007 are now out-of-print. I still have some left and will periodically offer them for sale on my new website.