Different Slants

One morning some years ago, near Chicago, I was at a currency exchange where I would go to pay my utility bills. I suppose I could have mailed my payment, but it was faster for me to pay it in person. Besides, the dark-eyed girl working there behind the glass had a great rack on her and she always smiled at me, her blood-red lipstick gleaming on her soft, luscious lips. And when she walked over to punch my account numbers into her machine, I got a global view of all her…assets.

I didn’t mind. She didn’t mind and the whole day was better for the experience.

So, on this particular day, I was waiting in line to see my favorite cutie. I was on the left side of the small room where she always worked behind the bullet-proof glass, and there was another young guy at the teller down the way from me paying a bill too, with about a four yards between us.

I am white. He was black. I think my sexy teller was Assyrian, but that wasn’t crucial to what follows on what seemed to be an ordinary morning.

It was very quiet with the four us going about our business. Then, another young white guy, about twenty, blonde and thin, maybe five foot eight, walked in the exchange and stood silently behind me. I was almost ready to go, when the chime on the only door to the place clanged loudly as the door was suddenly shoved open and three adorable, very young black children scampered into the room, followed by a short, hesitant, thin to the point of appearing to be nearly anorexic, man of about thirty or so. The kids were full of energy and called the petite man “Dad.”

Then, to my disbelieving eyes an enormous blob of a woman ended this little parade. She was close to six feet tall, and for lack of a more accurate description, the woman most closely resembled the evil Jabba, (Read on …)

I invite all of North America to come and see me read my story titled: “The Thousand Dollar Bill” from my 3rd book, titled Saul Bellow,Kosher Pickles and the Aluminum Fortress.

It will be on July 26th, 2007, Thursday at 8 pm

My web page is www.fightingwordspubco.com.

Is a great story of an individual standing up for himself and up to one of the largest educational instutions in the United States.

The place is The Comedy Shrine, 22 East Chicago Ave. suite 205 Naperville, Illinois 60540 Phone: (630) 355–2844

There will be no charge for this performance.

If people are pleaed by what they hear, and see, the theater owner, David Sinker may have me as a regular performer, but you’d have to buy tickets if that happens. Sorry.

If any of you reading this are able to come, bring a friend, especially one who had trouble paying their tuition, once upon a time.

Thank you,

So Rick Munden (RGM), the Den Mother of this blog, bitching and moaning, asks me why I don’t have any more opinions to express about whatever bothers me, since all that I’ve posted recently have concerned, let’s see……An anti-war poem encouraging resistance in the streets to the current monstrously evil mob of self-serving, lying, greedy bastards that stole the election that put them there in the first place……Another more muted poem about being technologically overwhelmed by non-stop change in how everything I know how to do to communicate is passe,` and how other people mostly much younger than 57 think it’s comical that I can’t keep up with all all of it……A story about a wild rabbit who was nearly consumed by my three pet dogs, to the distress of my young daughter…….A story about why the US Capitol ought to be shifted 1,500 miles west to Lincoln, Nebraska and why at least 50% of the Congress should be composed of women…….Another (brilliant, in my opinion) story on how to resolve the Israel/everybody else in the world problem. I know I’m right about my proposals even if no one else currently living on this planet seems to embrace my vision of how good, how civilized, things could be if people were willing.

So after attempting to tell Rick that I had no more opinions about anything of significance, I spent the next half an hour telling him all those other things I had no opinion about, except for this and that and so on.

Rick is very patient, or perhaps he fell asleep while I was talking—it wouldn’t be the first time that happened–but when I finally ran out of steam, I concluded that he wanted me to write down more of my assorted and atypical thoughts.

And I will.

Soon.

So………..watch this space, or you might miss something good.

Shalom, Curious People.

Bob

I had an idea for a story
While driving to work today
But I had to buy a new black pen
Before my idea floated away

So I stopped at my local Stationary Store
Which seemed like a science and industry museum
It had every new gadget in the world on display
Except a clerk to help you, when you need ‘em

All I need to write a story
Is paper, a pen and some silence
But that store’s vast array of metal on display
Made it seem like a place of violence

I think I’m a pretty good photographer
I adjust for the light, focus and click
Now the cameras do every damn thing
And I’m more like an…asterisk

I’m not very good with computers
I can’t get my messages when away
Can’t upload or download, or anything else
I get more frustrated, it seems, every day

The very newest items I see for sale
Become old-fashioned within a week
The smallest Gizmos cost the most
I guess everything’s made out of Teak

I don’t Google or wear a phone on my ear
To me, a BlackBerry…is a fruit
When I ask for help in my Stationary Store
The young clerks think my confusion, is cute

If you buy some expensive new system
And it breaks–the store throws it away
Nothing is built to last, I guess
Real quality has no meaning today

I’m trapped in an Alice-In-Wonderland world
Where everything moves too fast
I used to think I knew everything
But I guess my time…has passed

One day, I’ll find me a …Time Machine!
That’ll send me back to 1950
When someone replaces a button with a zipper–
I’ll say: “Boy, that’s nifty!”

The world is hurtling by like a rocket
Guys like me are left behind, I fear
But all you plugged-in people just plunge on ahead
I’m gonna linger…a while longer…back here…

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Published April 25, 2007

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