Different Slants

I had an idea for a story
While driving to work today
But I had to buy a new black pen
Before my idea floated away

So I stopped at my local Stationary Store
Which seemed like a science and industry museum
It had every new gadget in the world on display
Except a clerk to help you, when you need ‘em

All I need to write a story
Is paper, a pen and some silence
But that store’s vast array of metal on display
Made it seem like a place of violence

I think I’m a pretty good photographer
I adjust for the light, focus and click
Now the cameras do every damn thing
And I’m more like an…asterisk

I’m not very good with computers
I can’t get my messages when away
Can’t upload or download, or anything else
I get more frustrated, it seems, every day

The very newest items I see for sale
Become old-fashioned within a week
The smallest Gizmos cost the most
I guess everything’s made out of Teak

I don’t Google or wear a phone on my ear
To me, a BlackBerry…is a fruit
When I ask for help in my Stationary Store
The young clerks think my confusion, is cute

If you buy some expensive new system
And it breaks–the store throws it away
Nothing is built to last, I guess
Real quality has no meaning today

I’m trapped in an Alice-In-Wonderland world
Where everything moves too fast
I used to think I knew everything
But I guess my time…has passed

One day, I’ll find me a …Time Machine!
That’ll send me back to 1950
When someone replaces a button with a zipper–
I’ll say: “Boy, that’s nifty!”

The world is hurtling by like a rocket
Guys like me are left behind, I fear
But all you plugged-in people just plunge on ahead
I’m gonna linger…a while longer…back here…

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Published April 25, 2007

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The Munden family was awakened before dawn this morning by an explosion in their kitchen. The destruction was devastating. “It will takes weeks to clean this up,” said Mrs. Munden. “We might as well just remodel.”

It appears that this is part of a nationwide assault by a radical Amish group on one of America’s most sacred institutions - the kitchen.

Radical Amish are the last people you would expect of terrorism. For that matter, who ever heard of radical Amish? That is what makes this plot so sinister, no one expects it! And if they refuse to use technology, how can they build such destructive weapons?

Read on to learn how they do it and what you can do to protect yourself. (Read on …)