Different Slants

© October 11, 2013

 

What do you do when they tell you

That you don’t have cancer?

 

What do you do when

Your doctor seems surprised?

How do you come back to life?

 

When while waiting to hear

Words you don’t want to hear

You measure your life remaining

 in

Weeks, days, hours, minutes

And how much you will never do

 

You think of all you haven’t accomplished

Like standing in the shadow of

A thousand unwashed dishes

Piled up into the sky

That what has come before

Has no significance

 

 The

Undelivered words:

I love you

IOU’s

Lodged in your soul like a

Psychic sliver

 

You just needed a little more…

Time

 

The overwhelming presence of

Terrible news

Like a giant grey Cloud

Come down to earth

Can’t be pushed back into its box

 

Pieces keep poking out

Sticking to you

Mocking you

Smirking at you

 

“Nearly got ya, didn’t I?”

“Maybe next time.”

The sly Cloud seems to say

 

And you believe it

Because the

Specter of Bad News

Never lies

 

What do you do when they tell you

That you don’t have cancer?

 

What can equal that news?

Happiness is impossible

It has long since been banished

As useless

 

Calling a friend seems a trivial act

You say the words

Robotically

They’ll respond with emotions

That you can’t feel

Not yet

 

Nothing seems worth doing

Nothing can equal

The weight of doom

When you are standing on the

Precipice of nothingness

Wavering

Planning has no meaning

 

Me?

 

I went to a small grocery store

Bought some foods I liked

One salty crunchy thing

From New England

A peppery soup from China

More crunchy things

I’d cover with honey

Strong hot coffee

 

I wanted to awaken

All of my senses

All of them seemed

Centered

 in

Seeing

Tasting

Aroma

Chewing

Listening

  

Salt and pepper

Sweet and sour

All put together inside of me

 

Maybe they will awaken

My understanding that

I have more than just tomorrow

Or one hundred tomorrows

To do what I still want to do

To actually say

Damn it

What I ought to say

And that I still matter

 

What do you do when they tell you

That you don’t have cancer?

 

I don’t know yet

Ask me tomorrow

When I begin to feel

Alive

Again